The art of communication

“Communication is rather an art than a science.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

Fully true, in my opinion.

Just like in art, communication comes in many forms and styles. Which one you prefer depends on your personality and on how you naturally connect with others. But mastering this art pays off immensely.

A Harvard Business School study once listed communication among the top seven abilities essential for every professional career — across all industries and roles. Think of the last time you saw someone deliver a brilliant presentation or make an argument so sharp and clear that it left you quietly impressed.

Beyond strong leadership or the ability to deliver results, great communication separates good managers from outstanding ones.

When theory becomes practical

A few years ago, I took part in an executive development program, a mix of two-day courses on topics like risk management and innovation. Hidden inside one of these sessions was a small, almost overlooked section on communication.

We’ve all learned communication models at school, the “iceberg model,” the “four sides of a message,” and so on. They’re valid and well-researched, but for me, they never triggered a clear “I’ll do this differently next time” moment.

This course did.

It changed how I see communication and how I try to practice it.

Communication is unlikely

Yes, that’s the concept: communication is unlikely.

It sounds odd, but it’s a powerful idea from Niklas Luhmann, the German sociologist often described as a titan of systems theory.

Luhmann viewed communication as an interaction between self-contained systems that evolve over time and space. In simple terms, it means that the likelihood of one person truly understanding another is low.

When Person A tells a story to Person B, chances are that B won’t catch the full meaning – not the facts, not the emotions, not the subtle context behind the words. What B hears and what A meant are rarely the same. The gap can be small or large, depending on both people’s communication patterns.

Your “default entrance”

Every one of us has a preferred way to receive information — a kind of default entrance.

Some people connect first on an emotional or relational level. Others process information through logic, structure, and action. Our mood, the context, even the time of day influence which “entrance” is open at any given moment.

Imagine you’ve cooked your signature dish for friends. The evening goes well — laughter, stories, good food. Then one guest asks:

“Did you change the recipe?”

How do you react?

Depending on your stress level, the guest’s tone, or your personality, you might hear curiosity, criticism, or even subtle disapproval.

Same words — different interpretations.

Or take another one:

“Hey, the doorbell just rang.”

In class, younger students often respond: “Go yourself.”

Same sentence, completely different reading.

Adapting your communication

If you want to become an excellent communicator, you need to understand the other person’s default entrance.

Your preferred style might not be theirs. You may need to change your tone, reorder your arguments, or shift your focus entirely.

What feels natural to you might be confusing to them.

And what resonates with them might feel awkward to you.

That’s why we communicate more easily with people we know well. Over years of friendship or marriage, we unconsciously learn how not to say it.

Understanding how the other person processes information increases your chance of being understood. Forcing your style on others rarely works.

Space, time, and agreement

Luhmann also noted that communication becomes even more difficult across space and time.

A face-to-face meeting is already challenging, but add distance — a phone call, a video meeting, or an email — and clarity drops quickly. Body language disappears. Tone gets flattened. Timing becomes unpredictable.

An email written in a rush might sound fine today, but when reread days later, it can feel cold or sharp. The recipient’s context when reading — their stress, energy, or mood — shapes how they interpret your message.

And that’s something the sender can’t control.

Finally, even if you express yourself perfectly, your message might still fail — simply because the listener disagrees or doesn’t want to understand. Communication always requires voluntary participation on both sides.

The humble conclusion

Communication is essential, but it’s not easy — and certainly not intuitive.

If you start each conversation knowing that misunderstanding is likely, you naturally prepare better. You think more carefully. You become clearer.

Before any important talk or message, remember: the better you understand the other person’s default entrance — their mood, context, and way of thinking — the higher your chances to truly connect.

Because in the end, mastering communication is not about being perfect.

It’s about being understood.